Saturday, August 27, 2011

Marriage: The Power of Covenants

Greetings, Beautiful Families..I pray all is well with everyone.

Deuteronomy 7:9 'Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; HE is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands.

Now, in this post, we are going to discuss the difference between Covenant and Contract. A covenant lays the blueprint of healthy marriages. It is meant to be everlasting, unlike a 'contract' which is based on feelings of self and is usually based on conditions. We will touch on this again in a moment. First, let's touch on just what a covenant is.

Just What Is A Covenant?
  • A covenant Denotes Much More than an ordinary commitment, pledge, or agreement between people.
  • Much more solemn and serious agreement, intended to be binding and unbreakable.
  • An established promise to uniquely bind husband and wife together as one under the headship of Jesus.
  • Our marriage covenant should move us to go to any lengths necessary to love, honor and cherish our spouse for life.
  • Covenant is a term that describes God's unique relationship with HIS creation and carries with it the guarantee of all the benefits and blessings of that relationship.
  • Covenant is how HE chose to demonstrate HIS love and HIS desire to fellowship with HIS creation.
  • Marriage is a covenant and it helps us to understand what God has done, is doing, and will do for us. It is a relationship between each individual and God
  • A covenant is unconditional and unlike a contract does not have an expiration date nor back up plan.
  • A covenant is more about character than convenience, more about giving than receiving.
  • Each individual must be 100% committed to fulfill the promises made when entering the covenant, regardless of how feelings may change or what the other person may do (save physical abuse or unrepentant adultery)

So, What's The Difference Between A Covenant and A Contract

  • Limited Liability (I Do..Until I'm not happy)
  • Conditional in nature (50/50)
  • Selfish (What's In It For Me?)
  • Convenience Based (In Good Times)
  • Specified Period of Time (While It Lasts)
  • Nobody Leaves until terms are met

  • Unlimited Responsibility (No matter what..)
  • Unconditional In Nature (100/100)
  • Selfless (What Can I Do For You?)
  • Commitment Based (At All Times)
  • Forever (Regardless of what comes)
  • Nobody Leaves - Period (Forever..)
Now, here's a little quiz, based on differences above, on a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your ideas of marriage?  Place a small check mark by each that describes your commitment.

 Now, here is the 2nd small quiz, this quiz will help you to take an honest assessment of how you consciously or unconsciously view or have viewed Marriage.

The Quiz:
  • How many couples from the family you grew up in are in their first marriage (over 5 years)? ____
  • How many couples from the family you grew up in divorced? _____
  • Are your parents still married? ______
  • How many of your brothers and sisters have divorced? ______
  • How many couples do you know have divorced more than once? ______
  • How many couples do you know that have cohabited more than once? ____
  • How many close friends do you know have been divorced? _____
My Quiz Answers:
  • 4
  • 4
  • No
  • 1
  • 3
  • 16
  • 2
It took a while for me to understand or admit that these situations influenced my ideal of marriage. At one point, I thought marriage was a joke. I thought it was, 'not for me'. I had the same mentality that I had during my dating phase, 'well if it doesn't work, I'll just go on to the next one, if that doesn't work, I'll just go on to the next one'..and so on and so fourth. I viewed marriage as unimportant because I wasn't shown that it is a spiritual bond that was not meant to be broken. Simply put, I didn't understand that the world and those people didn't have all of the answers about how to do relationships successfully; only God does and He wants to teach us His ways. So, now that I am in a marriage covenant, I understand my level of accountability that I have in influencing those who are not yet married, that this is more than a date with an expiration date. It is more that a courtship, it is a lifetime bond and it's up to us to create a positive thriving environment..have conflict resolution..put selfishness aside and individuality aside and embrace spiritual oneness. What I mean by individuality aside is that it's not all about me and what I want, it's about the best decision for my family according to what God wants.

Funny Story

Here's a funny thing..even in my poutiest moments, my husband says in a calm voice 'when you are finished acting like our 2 year old, come on downstairs and talk, because you know divorce is not an option. You ain't going nowhere and I'm not going nowhere..' I can't help but laugh..Sometimes it's that laugh that is the peace offering that begins the healthy conflict resolution. Divorce is not an option is like our flirty joke of the day, lol...try saying it, it feels great.

 Bottom Line..

 Bottom Line is that how my husband and I work our covenant is that we wrote our covenants to each other, printed them out and posted them on our fridge as reminders of the promises we made..It's like an accountability to each other and in our angriest moments, we have to put ego aside and be reminded of those promises that we made..and I have to be honest, sometimes I just don't want to hear it or see it..I just want to be mad!! But, divorce is not an option and my choice is conflict resolution.

The Power of Covenant..Love you guys

Monday, August 22, 2011

Family Roles: HUSBANDS

 Greetings, Beautiful people..we pray all is well with everyone.

How many of us as disciples can say that we truly understand the biblical roles of the family? When you think of roles for your family, how do view your husband’s role? Your wife’s role? Where did you learn about the role of the family? Before I began reading and really focusing on God’s Word, I did not fully and truly understand His Word on the role’s for the family. And as I am learning to understand it, I still backslide into 33 years of learned behavior of what I knew and learned about how to establish family.

Roles are important because it provides biblical balance needed for each spouse to function in the role God intended. Just as men and women are created differently, they also have differing roles to fulfill in the marriage relationship. God gives each of us abilities to function in those roles.

The Husband’s Role: 

Ephesians 5:23 ‘For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.’ As head, it’s the husband’s responsibility to cast the vision God has given for his family and to communicate that vision to his wife. But the real question is what does God expect of a husband? Ephesians 5:25 ‘Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.’ The husband needs to understand the needs of his wife. For instance, most wives will say they need to be loved, cherished, and valued. God created us this way. Wives look more at the actions of their husbands, than what he says. Wives need their husbands to communicate their love by demonstration and actions she understands. Husbands hold the key to the success or failure in a marriage. When a wife sees the sacrificial love of her husband, she is motivated to love him and submit to him. The greatest of all leaders is a servant. God’s Word tells us to do nothing through selfish ambition. Jesus was a servant leader, He led by example and so are the duties of husbands. True authority comes from humility. Jesus was a selfless leader. He humbled himself and served. A husband must be firm and decisive, but also humble and unselfish. Men, when you lead your wives or prospective wives in learning the Word of God, she grows and she will also find it easy to submit to you, as she sees you submitting to Christ. God intends for the husband to provide for the needs of his family. Provision must not only be made for physical needs, but spiritual as well. Not only is the husband to make provisions for food, clothing and shelter, he also provides teaching of Godly principles.1Timothy 5:8 ‘but if anyone does not take care of his relatives, especially the members of his own family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.’ Husbands are to model a heart for reconciliation and restoration. This includes forgiveness and serving. Husbands are to forgive quickly when offended, and no record of wrong should be kept. This must be done whether the wife repents or not.

The Husband is to demonstrate spiritual headship in tangible ways, because the wife must be able to recognize the way a husband leads:

  • · Daily prayer with wife
  • · Daily devotion including reading scripture
  • · Communicating with his wife what the Lord has spoken to him
  • · Developing a vision for the family
  • · Teaching his wife and children the principles of scripture

Loving your wife means being sensitive to her needs. Comfort your wife when she needs comforting, not when you think she needs it. A husband should protect their family from:
  • · Criticism-particularly opposition from relatives
  • · Evil influences-How much social contact my family has and what form will it take
  • · The dangers of youthful desires-Take the lead in courtship
  • · Physical and spiritual calamity- Pray for protection for your family
  • · Harmful contacts with others outside the foundational family

Men, ask your wives or future spouses if she feels your love?

Ask if you have demonstrated sacrificial love to her? 
Ask her to provide 3-4 caring behaviors that you can do for her, that will make her feel loved and cared about 

Happy Healthy Day! We Love you guys

Sunday, August 21, 2011

You Are Accountable for Your Own Actions

Greetings, Beautiful People..we pray all is well with everyone on Love Island...
Ok,so this is really quick. I had to post this because I know, personally, that we can sometimes blame our spouse or significant other on account of how we reacted to a situation. Bottom line, on that day of judgement, we are going to be held accountable for our own individual actions..the excuse, 'well, he/she caused me to react that way' just 'ain't' gonna cut, here is something that inspired me that I wrote in regards to my husband, who can be quite patient with me, which can be a task sometime..enjoy!

From Wife To Husband: ACTIONS

Sometimes I get irritated, very impatient, emotional, and hormonal, yet, The Most High blessed me with a man who has more to offer than material items that are temporary, but what he does have is COMPASSION, ACCOUNTABILITY, HUMILITY and says that no matter how I may act, sometimes, it doesn't dictate how he responds because ultimately, he still has to answer for his own actions.

Now, let me say this..this is his response and his action, 95% of the time..there are some times where he's like enough is enough and we can go knee to knee in our, but the most important thing, always, is to calm down and communicate and keep emotions in check..that works every time.

Happy Trails